mummy

It is time to find the missing mummy of John Wilkes Booth. Rather than outlining the entire mystery of the missing mummy here, I would advise all readers to spend time time googling to familiarize themselves with the case. At present it should suffice to say that Booth’s mummified remains have been missing since 1975, where they were last seen in New Hope, Pennsylvania.

I am quite confident that the vast majority of readers will find this situation intolerable. (In fact, many of you have probably spent many sleepness nights over it, as I have.) And most of you, as I, have probably felt quite impotent in the matter.

So I offer a solution: everyone must get involved, and find that mummy!

My plan:

1. Make the entire world aware of the situation. Email everyone you know, and link to this page.

2. Look for the mummy! When was the last time you were in your own attic or basement? When was the last time you visited your grandparents’ house and looked in their closets? How about your neighbors? Remember, in case people find your nosiness impertinent, to be honest, for this raises awareness. If asked, say: “I’m looking for the mummy of John Wilkes Booth.” They will no longer consider you rude, but civic-minded. I promise.

3. Write your local representative, congressman, senator, and the President. Write your local paper and the PTA. Write your mother and write your missing father in Tahiti. Write the United Nations and the New York Times. Write Grandma. Write Hollywood and ask for a movie starring Johnny Depp as John Wilkes Booth. (I mean, seriously, who else could play John Wilkes Booth?) And then start your telephone campaign.

So there is the challenge. Are you up to it for the good of humanity and the sanctity of historical accuracy? Do you want to change the world? Do you want to see the most famous American mummy of them all find a respectable resting place rather than languish in some millionare collector’s bank vault?

Let’s go find the mummy.

And by the way, I guess I should give you a picture, in case the mummy you find in your neighbor’s basement is NOT John Wilkes Booth.

Here he is, in 1931 (from HistoryBuff.com):

mummy.jpeg

The mummy is the one on the right.

Thank you for your attention, and happy hunting!

jj

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5 comments on “mummy

  1. Eddie Val Gould says:

    Hello, My Grandfgather the late Jay Gould toured the mummy on his circus for years in the 30’s. The mummy was sold to my grandfather by a Mr. Harkin and we have a discriptive title which was signed by Mr. Harkin and my grandfather.. I think we could properly say that it is our property and that we would like it back. You are right the quest, the mystery,….the story needs a more conclusive ending.
    Please contact me if you have any leads or questions.
    Sincerely, Eddie Val Gould

  2. Gerhard says:

    Jeff,
    I found this today in the German online magazine “Spiegel”.

    http://www.spiegel.de/wissenschaft/mensch/0,1518,518644,00.html

    Mummy mania never ends. What will they think when they find the chicken in 10000 years? Strange 21st century culture.
    Gerhard

  3. nitroxjunkie says:

    I would just like to say that I personally exhumed SEVERAL corpses from the Booth Family Plot in Boston Grove (Kinda funny that the guy who shot him had chopped off his own nads because HE FOUND GOD IN BOSTON, changed his name to Boston nee Thomas Corbett. Just thought you should know.) Well I used the preserved segments from the cervical spine where booth was shot ( I was there so i recognise these neck bones) and DNA matched them to all the family members EXCEPT for the now-alleged body of John Wilkes Booth, who I am pretty sure is actually in Cryo-storage and the real father of Paris. Which Paris, Im not saying. The search continues…

  4. I sooo hate teaching english too. I DO love History though and I would like to say that after many hours of moving old holiday ornaments and bits bobbins, etc, (In another BLOGGERS attic, no less!) I have done it! I have found the mummy! Well you wouldnt believe it but the guy on the left was mummified too. I will be holding them at my school in scotland pending the ten-mil, k? Yeah about that school, only some of you will see it. All i had to say was “Accio Mummy of JW Booth!’ I cant believe it worked I mean usually these types of things can be very dangerous and have several enchantm- ALL RIGHT, RONALD. YOU CAN USE THE COM-PUTER FOR HALF AN HOUR AND THEN I WANT IT BACK. Well it was lovely meeting you. I look forward to getting that 10Mil, I am married to a ALRIGHT RONALD IM DONE! Sorry gotta go. Bye!

  5. Carla says:

    Hi Jeff,

    I ate a Hostess Cherry Pie today and thought of you.

    Happy 2010!

    Carla

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